Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
