please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
