Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
