My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize