your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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