She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
