There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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