I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
