booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
