How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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