I can text with my tongue
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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