Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
