I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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