I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
