Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
please come you make the beer taste better
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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