I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
