i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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