Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
