i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
