Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
