uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
