i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
