best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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