apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
