oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
