she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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