remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
