Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize