wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize