Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize