Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize