idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
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