Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
