I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
