and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
