i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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