and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
