WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize