i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
