Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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