I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
