You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
