his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
