I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
