I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
