eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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