Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize