She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
