well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
