Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
