you turned your livingroom into a bong?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
