You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
