He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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