But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
