It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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