i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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