it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
