I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
