He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
