why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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