she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
