So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sober January is a disaster.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
