Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
As shirtless as possible
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
