oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
