what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
