Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
