hotel room ftw
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
