You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize