you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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