i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
