Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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