Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize