Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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